Facebook reveals who we are under our skins. And I don't like those people. Sayonara, Facebook.
Postscript 9/21/13: I couldn't stand it. I felt isolated from knowing what my "circle" of friends and family was doing. I went back on..........
Aug 28, 2013
Aug 27, 2013
Lost Youth
It's crazy, thinking back about what it was like to be young. And best not to do, in my opinion.
Tonight I saw the movie "The World's End", I didn't know exactly what I was in for, except I knew I'd be entertained. Cause it had Simon Pegg - naturally!
What I didn't expect was the love letter it was to being young, and carefree, and knowing you have the whole world in front of you - that it's yours to own. Yours to rule. And then finding out thru slow tedious beat down drudgery that it's not.
This movie was about Simon Pegg's character trying to recapture his glory days. There was sci fi thrown into the mix, but ultimately it was about Lost Youth and what we'll do to taste it again. To feel that way again.
I've moved past the 50 mark now. And I do my damnedest not to reflect on youth and what it felt like. My policy has always been no looking back, keep moving forward. I think if I did the reverse, I would go insane. Well, probably not insane but I wouldn't be the person I am now. I'd probably be an alcoholic. Trying to keep something that is not physically possible to hold on to would make me crazy.
Oh, I can understand the lure of it. Driving home after the movie tonight, in the dark, with the radio cranked to a 70's channel and the windows down, I put myself back in those teenage shoes for a moment. And I felt the thickness well up in my throat and tasted the bitterness in my mouth. I yearned, oh how I yearned to feel that alive and that young and that limitless again. To feel the hardness of my young body, the skin and bones of it, and the same for my boyfriend. To want to love and be loved and nothing else mattered or was important. It was beautiful and so so dangerous. So dangerous to feel such yearning and to wonder who this person is that I am now and how did she come about from that person I was then.
It hurt, and that's when I realized the trap door was open wide, and I was hovering on the edge. I threw myself away. I shut it, quick. No good comes from wanting to be what you're not anymore. I'm not that 16 year old who believes she is invincible, and who can't fathom the size, scope and complexity of the world outside her home town and her small radius of friends and family. I can never regain that feeling of first love and first lust. That's why it's called first. I can experience emotions just as strong and just as meaningful, but they won't ever be the same as what they were the first time they really swept thru me. That's ok.
I understood Simon Pegg's character, and I understood why he was a psych patient. He couldn't move on, he couldn't leave it behind. I saw others I know in that character, and I saw the ghost of my young self looking out. I waved good-bye.
Go see the movie. Walk in prepared.
Tonight I saw the movie "The World's End", I didn't know exactly what I was in for, except I knew I'd be entertained. Cause it had Simon Pegg - naturally!
What I didn't expect was the love letter it was to being young, and carefree, and knowing you have the whole world in front of you - that it's yours to own. Yours to rule. And then finding out thru slow tedious beat down drudgery that it's not.
This movie was about Simon Pegg's character trying to recapture his glory days. There was sci fi thrown into the mix, but ultimately it was about Lost Youth and what we'll do to taste it again. To feel that way again.
I've moved past the 50 mark now. And I do my damnedest not to reflect on youth and what it felt like. My policy has always been no looking back, keep moving forward. I think if I did the reverse, I would go insane. Well, probably not insane but I wouldn't be the person I am now. I'd probably be an alcoholic. Trying to keep something that is not physically possible to hold on to would make me crazy.
Oh, I can understand the lure of it. Driving home after the movie tonight, in the dark, with the radio cranked to a 70's channel and the windows down, I put myself back in those teenage shoes for a moment. And I felt the thickness well up in my throat and tasted the bitterness in my mouth. I yearned, oh how I yearned to feel that alive and that young and that limitless again. To feel the hardness of my young body, the skin and bones of it, and the same for my boyfriend. To want to love and be loved and nothing else mattered or was important. It was beautiful and so so dangerous. So dangerous to feel such yearning and to wonder who this person is that I am now and how did she come about from that person I was then.
It hurt, and that's when I realized the trap door was open wide, and I was hovering on the edge. I threw myself away. I shut it, quick. No good comes from wanting to be what you're not anymore. I'm not that 16 year old who believes she is invincible, and who can't fathom the size, scope and complexity of the world outside her home town and her small radius of friends and family. I can never regain that feeling of first love and first lust. That's why it's called first. I can experience emotions just as strong and just as meaningful, but they won't ever be the same as what they were the first time they really swept thru me. That's ok.
I understood Simon Pegg's character, and I understood why he was a psych patient. He couldn't move on, he couldn't leave it behind. I saw others I know in that character, and I saw the ghost of my young self looking out. I waved good-bye.
Go see the movie. Walk in prepared.
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