So many things are on my mind right now. The mantra in my head playing over and over "I'm done I'm done I'm done".
The face of a girlfriend as she relayed the story of how she finally said yes when he proposed and then was betrayed when he backed out of their big plan. He still wanted to marry now that she finally agreed, but on his terms. I was proud of her for being brave enough to share her pain, and sad that she had to live it.
The discussion the girls at the table had about what it takes for us to allow another female to be our best friend. How sad that was to hear the truth embedded in what they were trying to convey. And what a far cry our isolation is from my young days at my mother's side, watching her friends drop in and out unannounced for a quick drink and a chat. Sometimes multiple times a day. "Knock knock" they would say as they walked into the kitchen. No standing on ceremony. No texting before dropping in to make sure it was ok first.
I guess I'm sad. I'm sad for what life is like now for us all as we are less trusting and more leery of letting a piece of us go.
I'm thankful that I do have some good friends that I can rely on. And sad that when I needed my friends the most I was the one who wouldn't let myself go. Reach out. Ask for the comfort I needed. They would have been there. Why couldn't I "impose"? Because that's what it felt like to me. Part of it was my own pride and sense of worth. I didn't want to share how bad it was, then keep on living it after I picked myself back up. Because I always do.
Was it truly just the difference of 40 years ago? Were things truly that different? Or am I remembering as a child. Seeing only what I want to see in my minds eye. Have relationships changed that much? Or not at all?
Sep 10, 2012
Aug 22, 2012
Emotions
I've often read in novels about people who are cold or empty or unfeeling. The characters always seemed a bit unreal to me, and if not extremely well written I would be aware that the author was trying to manipulate my feelings about that character.
Today I realized I am one of those characters. I was visiting the house of a dear recently deceased friend to attend the sale of her belongings. I went with a couple of friends. Who both told me as we walked thru the house how much it upset them to see her stuff "like this".
"Doesn't it bother you?" they asked? No, it didn't. Not a bit. I approached it like any other estate sale I might go to, looking for the best buy or an item I just really really needed in my house. I thought it was a bit strange that it bothered my friends, but chalked it up to an excessive amount of feelings. One friend especially can cry over a bug being stepped on. I don't begrudge her that and have always respected her tender feelings. Its just not me.
After further introspection this evening, I'm realizing I probably should care a bit more. I probably should feel more sadness at a minimum for a life well lived cut too short. And that's when I recognized the me of two years ago would have been much more emotional over this. I would still be mourning her loss, instead of feeling the nothingness and absence of caring.
Love's left me.
Today I realized I am one of those characters. I was visiting the house of a dear recently deceased friend to attend the sale of her belongings. I went with a couple of friends. Who both told me as we walked thru the house how much it upset them to see her stuff "like this".
"Doesn't it bother you?" they asked? No, it didn't. Not a bit. I approached it like any other estate sale I might go to, looking for the best buy or an item I just really really needed in my house. I thought it was a bit strange that it bothered my friends, but chalked it up to an excessive amount of feelings. One friend especially can cry over a bug being stepped on. I don't begrudge her that and have always respected her tender feelings. Its just not me.
After further introspection this evening, I'm realizing I probably should care a bit more. I probably should feel more sadness at a minimum for a life well lived cut too short. And that's when I recognized the me of two years ago would have been much more emotional over this. I would still be mourning her loss, instead of feeling the nothingness and absence of caring.
Love's left me.
Aug 21, 2012
A Day of Firsts
So close to a major milestone birthday, and still getting to experience "first time ever" events. How about that! Life's a ride, that's for sure.
Today social media provided me my new experiences. My daughter unfriended me on Facebook, and I made new professional friends on my very first podcast interview which was conducted using Skype! Social media brought me forward a few steps in my career, and took me backwards a few steps in my personal life. One's about connecting, one's about ego. Both are about relationships. Breaking and bonding. How many people are learning that social media tools are frighteningly awesome and nightmarishly freaky?
How many are learning how quickly idle comments dropped off haphazardly cause irreparable damage? How many are going hat in hand to make amends? How many are getting opportunities never before imagined as the barriers of miles and languages become invisible?
How easy it is to be mean or inconsiderate - I can start a chain of hate mail in 144 characters or less. How enabling it is to be kind and caring - I can reach out around the world and get instant information on how I can help any cause or disaster.
For the most part I've chosen to sit back and watch this new media develop, observing from the sidelines. I am finding more and more that's not possible. I say it's manageable, don't participate, tune out if you want, don't log in, hit back or next. Its sucking me in anyways. Is that our future, all of us? Whether we want it or not?
Today social media provided me my new experiences. My daughter unfriended me on Facebook, and I made new professional friends on my very first podcast interview which was conducted using Skype! Social media brought me forward a few steps in my career, and took me backwards a few steps in my personal life. One's about connecting, one's about ego. Both are about relationships. Breaking and bonding. How many people are learning that social media tools are frighteningly awesome and nightmarishly freaky?
How many are learning how quickly idle comments dropped off haphazardly cause irreparable damage? How many are going hat in hand to make amends? How many are getting opportunities never before imagined as the barriers of miles and languages become invisible?
How easy it is to be mean or inconsiderate - I can start a chain of hate mail in 144 characters or less. How enabling it is to be kind and caring - I can reach out around the world and get instant information on how I can help any cause or disaster.
For the most part I've chosen to sit back and watch this new media develop, observing from the sidelines. I am finding more and more that's not possible. I say it's manageable, don't participate, tune out if you want, don't log in, hit back or next. Its sucking me in anyways. Is that our future, all of us? Whether we want it or not?
Posted with BlogsyAug 17, 2012
More of my 401k for sale
My Harry Potter collection. I truly didn't mind a bit putting this one for sale. I don't want it, but doesn't appear anyone else does, either!!
Subway....
The place you come when nobody wants to go to lunch with you. I see a lot of singles in here!
Jul 22, 2012
401k for sale
I'm ready to part ways with stuff. Stuff that I can't believe now I spend money on. What was I thinking trying to buy up every Dr. Seuss collectible figurine Hallmark put out in the early y2k decade? I was never a big Dr. Seuss fan - so why did I buy all that stuff? It's been sitting in my attic for years now, all neat and tidily boxed up (in original packaging!) and taking up space. I got it all out last night, took photos, and posted it on craigslist. My mistake was not to set a price and put a make offer! I got offered $25 for the whole lot. See what my life has come to? That's the way all my investments have ended up. I've poured in a ton of money, and then been left with nothing to show for it.........
If you would like to purchase my retirement investments from me, here are some ads on craigslist!
Dr Seuss Collectibles
Cow Parade Collectibles
more of my retirement investments to come, believe me.......there's more!
If you would like to purchase my retirement investments from me, here are some ads on craigslist!
Dr Seuss Collectibles
Cow Parade Collectibles
more of my retirement investments to come, believe me.......there's more!
Mar 12, 2012
Dear Wil
Dear Wil,
Tonight I had a new idea as I was changing my clothes, getting ready for bed. I was ruminating over all the blog postings you wrote that I had just finished reading. I admit, I was behind a month. I didn't realize you were going on a working cruise so had a lot of catching up to do.
"What an awesome life" I thought to myself. "I want to go on the Jo(?) cruise with him next year. I want to be surrounded by geeks and nerds and the great blue ocean. I can only pray he sings karaoke again, what a blast to watch him have fun." Because that performance was just that - pure fun, not contrived, and more importantly not embarrassed.
As I put on my PJs and stripped off my makeup, I reflected on all the years that I have been reading your blog posts and following your career. (Those things happened After next gen, by the way as I was more on the loving Riker team during the first run years.) I can't think of a single celebrity I have stayed consistently with for such a long period.
Maybe because it's not an obsession. It's sincerely "this guy is like me and/or people I know". He reads. He loves sci fi. He has a damned snarky sense of the absurd. And he's brutally honest and sincere. So I need to take the next cruise and hope he's on it so I can tell him so to his face!!
I sweated over that a bit, because I wasn't sure if I could pull that off. Then if I did, maybe you would have a business conflict that prevents you from attending. Who knows, Ryan could get married at that time. Stranger things have happened.
How do I get the chance to just let you know in a quiet so-not-stalking-you kind of way that you've been the best Internet hangout buddy for well over a decade now?
Then I remembered I had a blog. A poor under-utilized and bare place I called home on the net. As that came to mind, it clicked. Nay, it formed full bodied in my mind. I CAN WRITE LETTERS TO WIL!! On my blog! And go after the longest running personal dream I have - to write. Yeah, that's the ticket. Maybe this will be "the idea", the one that finally breaks the writers block.
I'm a talker. I like to talk to people. Maybe letter writing is a way to transition one gift into another. And if I'm going to do it, who is there more interesting to talk to than you, Wil?
Of course there's an app for that! So I downloaded it. Now I'm sitting here in my bed carrying on a conversation with you. One-sided. 'Cept on a little bitty tiny keyboard that I need my glasses to see. And thinking about do I finish this letter to you before I go write up a bug about the most annoying defect ever? Or stop now and hope all this saves while I scream "really? You didn't actually create a lengthy post while you were testing and notice the annoying feature of your active line of text being hidden behind the keyboard?" Seriously doesn't anybody in the mobile app space pay folks experienced in the art of software testing to test their product?
And while I'm on that rant, Wil, let me tell you about another one. I just paid to download this BlogPress app to my phone so that I wouldn't have to deal with the annoyingly faulty space bar on my iPad. Where I have another perfectly fine blog writing app. I can't use it because I go nuts when I start picking up real steam and then notice every other word runs into the word next to it. Does no one else have this problem?
Wil, I have to sign off now. My phone is just about dead and it's way too much trouble to charge it while lying in bed. I can do one or the other, not both. And it was stupid frigging First day at work after stupid Spring Forward. I haven't stopped yawning since I got up this morning. And the capper to my day would be if I lose all this before I have a chance to submit it!
So bye for now. Take care of you and yours,
Debbie
Tonight I had a new idea as I was changing my clothes, getting ready for bed. I was ruminating over all the blog postings you wrote that I had just finished reading. I admit, I was behind a month. I didn't realize you were going on a working cruise so had a lot of catching up to do.
"What an awesome life" I thought to myself. "I want to go on the Jo(?) cruise with him next year. I want to be surrounded by geeks and nerds and the great blue ocean. I can only pray he sings karaoke again, what a blast to watch him have fun." Because that performance was just that - pure fun, not contrived, and more importantly not embarrassed.
As I put on my PJs and stripped off my makeup, I reflected on all the years that I have been reading your blog posts and following your career. (Those things happened After next gen, by the way as I was more on the loving Riker team during the first run years.) I can't think of a single celebrity I have stayed consistently with for such a long period.
Maybe because it's not an obsession. It's sincerely "this guy is like me and/or people I know". He reads. He loves sci fi. He has a damned snarky sense of the absurd. And he's brutally honest and sincere. So I need to take the next cruise and hope he's on it so I can tell him so to his face!!
I sweated over that a bit, because I wasn't sure if I could pull that off. Then if I did, maybe you would have a business conflict that prevents you from attending. Who knows, Ryan could get married at that time. Stranger things have happened.
How do I get the chance to just let you know in a quiet so-not-stalking-you kind of way that you've been the best Internet hangout buddy for well over a decade now?
Then I remembered I had a blog. A poor under-utilized and bare place I called home on the net. As that came to mind, it clicked. Nay, it formed full bodied in my mind. I CAN WRITE LETTERS TO WIL!! On my blog! And go after the longest running personal dream I have - to write. Yeah, that's the ticket. Maybe this will be "the idea", the one that finally breaks the writers block.
I'm a talker. I like to talk to people. Maybe letter writing is a way to transition one gift into another. And if I'm going to do it, who is there more interesting to talk to than you, Wil?
Of course there's an app for that! So I downloaded it. Now I'm sitting here in my bed carrying on a conversation with you. One-sided. 'Cept on a little bitty tiny keyboard that I need my glasses to see. And thinking about do I finish this letter to you before I go write up a bug about the most annoying defect ever? Or stop now and hope all this saves while I scream "really? You didn't actually create a lengthy post while you were testing and notice the annoying feature of your active line of text being hidden behind the keyboard?" Seriously doesn't anybody in the mobile app space pay folks experienced in the art of software testing to test their product?
And while I'm on that rant, Wil, let me tell you about another one. I just paid to download this BlogPress app to my phone so that I wouldn't have to deal with the annoyingly faulty space bar on my iPad. Where I have another perfectly fine blog writing app. I can't use it because I go nuts when I start picking up real steam and then notice every other word runs into the word next to it. Does no one else have this problem?
Wil, I have to sign off now. My phone is just about dead and it's way too much trouble to charge it while lying in bed. I can do one or the other, not both. And it was stupid frigging First day at work after stupid Spring Forward. I haven't stopped yawning since I got up this morning. And the capper to my day would be if I lose all this before I have a chance to submit it!
So bye for now. Take care of you and yours,
Debbie
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