So many things are on my mind right now. The mantra in my head playing over and over "I'm done I'm done I'm done".
The face of a girlfriend as she relayed the story of how she finally said yes when he proposed and then was betrayed when he backed out of their big plan. He still wanted to marry now that she finally agreed, but on his terms. I was proud of her for being brave enough to share her pain, and sad that she had to live it.
The discussion the girls at the table had about what it takes for us to allow another female to be our best friend. How sad that was to hear the truth embedded in what they were trying to convey. And what a far cry our isolation is from my young days at my mother's side, watching her friends drop in and out unannounced for a quick drink and a chat. Sometimes multiple times a day. "Knock knock" they would say as they walked into the kitchen. No standing on ceremony. No texting before dropping in to make sure it was ok first.
I guess I'm sad. I'm sad for what life is like now for us all as we are less trusting and more leery of letting a piece of us go.
I'm thankful that I do have some good friends that I can rely on. And sad that when I needed my friends the most I was the one who wouldn't let myself go. Reach out. Ask for the comfort I needed. They would have been there. Why couldn't I "impose"? Because that's what it felt like to me. Part of it was my own pride and sense of worth. I didn't want to share how bad it was, then keep on living it after I picked myself back up. Because I always do.
Was it truly just the difference of 40 years ago? Were things truly that different? Or am I remembering as a child. Seeing only what I want to see in my minds eye. Have relationships changed that much? Or not at all?
